Fish and Finger

8.00 Crisis Averted

Alright fucker. Here’s the summary of my report, submitted EARLY I might add so you don’t fuckin’ crawl up my ass.

Bartender Donal Logue uploads a datadump to Fishbook. Sheesh, this guy again. Never have I seen such a fuckin’ chatty bartender. Keeps up well informed, though.

Descarte, the missing rad-resistant extremophile, was taken away for medical treatment by Takudome-san.

Shitkicker Eddie scanned spime feeds, looking for a hole in spime coverage that may indicate shielding, and thus the location of the headhunter. At least he’s got his head on straight.

Donal announced his party, giving top billing to Crank Stevedore – VJ Extraordinaire as agreed recompense for broadcasting the nuke mediation video. Meanwhile, he delivered an ultimatum to Caedmon (the nuke-toter): “Get out or be ended.” Fuckin’ Crank Stevedore. Fuck.

Dimble is approached by Sympathy Jones, a Transcendental Iktomian, about radical psychosurgery to accommodate an unknown multi-limbed morph. Donal begins with memory editing, including uplifted octopus and other multi-limb XP. Do we have an asset in place? Please advise. I can’t do my fucking job if you don’t tell me these things.

Donal, noticing that Crank is hurting his rep, gets in contact with 3 Second Earth, splitting the party down the middle.

The unknown presence on the TACNET identifies as Hou Hui Kitty, agreeing to meet in person with Donal at the party before the TACNET is dissolved. Hou Hui Kitty is abrupt to the point of rudeness, warning Donal that all they care about is doing their job, whatever that is. They decline to explain, merely sending Donal an XP which he shares with the rest of the group. We’ll have to watch this situation.

So it’s been pretty quiet. I’ll let you know if anything important happens. Get back to me with that info, yeah? -xxK

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1.00 - 7.00 Archive Synopsis - The Story so Far

Hey, dipwad. You’ve been nagging me for a report for days now, so here it is.

1.00: After the attack on the flotilla, sensors picked up evidence of a large cylindrical object. Determined to be an abandoned cylinder hab. Mesh chatter speculated it may be an old Jovian platform. You know the one, and if you don’t, see report JL149.0013. Idiot.

Influential bartender Donal Logue lobbied for an investigation of the cylinder, eventually persuading the pilot and trader Miley Rome to take him and some others to the cylinder. Team included red-market psychosurgeon Dimble, jammer Rudyard, and shitkickers including Eddie. I kid you not, they call themselves shitkickers. Some vigilante force. Shitkickers, seriously. I love these guys. ’Cept that douchetard Eddie.

Exploratory team entered the cylinder, which tripped security in the form of plasma drones. Party disposed of drones with near full-casualties. Bahahah.

2.00: Exploratory team explores the cylinder, surmises that primary function was as a military training facility. No signs of life, though hab did not appear to be evacuated. Directed by low-rep profile to investigate particular warehouse with little justification. Found research lab, classified documents pertaining to some sort of prisoner. Found heavily isolated cell with primitive LED communication mode. Subject Dimble voiced concerns about visual infection protocols. Gonna have to watch this one.

Team interacted with ‘prisoner’ – supposedly “Samuel L Jackson”.

3.00: After interaction with prisoner and review of classified documents, exploratory team surmised that prisoner was too dangerous to release. They pulled entire cell free, containing a cyberbrain attached to communication relay. Cyberbrain inside cell was terminated using liquid thermite and disassembler nanoswarms. These guys don’t fuck around, do they? Exploratory team swayed Flotilla vote towards settling the cylinder. Started airproofing buildings. In doing so, found research lab containing robotic shell thought to be similar to TITAN headhunter hardware.

4.00: Shitkicker Benedict Lestrange finds report on strange spiral pattern occurring in isolated locations on the hab. Headless corpse found in lower level. Lestrange found fleeing the scene, fired upon Donal and others. Was subdued and found babbling, see report. Subject Miley reports repeating migraines. Descarte is dispatched to explore cylinder hotzone.

5.00: Migraines and Lestrange’s affliction linked mathematically to spiral pattern. Migraines found to be caused by medichine-mediated change to pattern-recognition, language and memory centres of the brain; as well as stimulation of nociception; caused by muse having abberant map of the brain. Dimble creates treatment protocol, then forks multiple times to aid psychosurgery efforts. Descarte breaks contact, as does Dimble 14, psychosurgeon John Cumberbatch and patient Arnold Arnett missing. I’ve given my guy the package, we should be getting results soon.

6.00: Automated drone sent after Descarte. Release of information regarding potential mindhacks causes widespread panic, many attempt to flee back to the Finger. Patient Arnett found without head near cylinder hotzone, after being seen with Cumberbatch and unknown third party. Dimble reports unknown party on exploratory team’s TACNET. Now that I don’t know about. Merits investigation.

7.00: A blockade is set up to prevent people access to the Finger. Tensions rise, causing casualties on both sides, until subject Caedmon Aelmer reveals possession of nuclear device. Donal and contacts manage to de-escalate the situation, resulting in the setting up of quarantine protocols for passage on and off the Finger. Migraines largely neutralised. Descarte recovered from the core, which was found to contain antimatter generation facilities, as well as first transhumans found. This is new. We may have to re-evaluate.

There you go. Next time hold your fucking horses, mkay? I got shit to do. -xxK

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0.01 - Prologue: The Death of VAG

Due to a heated interaction with a number of items traveling at an appreciable fraction of c, namely high-density kinetic missiles and HEAP shells, the VAG was damaged beyond repair. The aft portion has been sealed with the largest salvageable plates and is being towed behind the Finger.

The damage to VAG caused the interior to vent to space, causing expiration of a large number of antique biomorphs maintained by the populace. No deaths occurred and lack was minimised due to good backup protocol and retrieval of stacks from expired morphs, however this has resulted in a large infomorph presence and a high demand for new morph manufacturing.

The flotilla desperately needs raw mass to facilitate repairs and resleeving, luckily a large cylinder has just been picked up on sensors.

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